i don't like this feeling...

cmni...
isk tah la...rase cam if i let it out pon theres gonna be other opinion that i know can be right or true or acceptable...its not that im affraid that i might be wrong and others are right, but i always have these arguments and conflicts within me on every issue that in the end, i end up letting it go and not think about it and let it pass and wallah, i have not problem..
that is, until the same thing appears again..
then the same process might follow...

huhm..
this time its about me feeling used, or wanted only when needed. or when theres just me who will always be there and say yes to everything people have got to say..

i have this problem that when people ask me for help, dgn ikhlas nye saye akn tolong if bole... selagi bole i will help...
but i guess ppl took advantage of that...took me for granted...

dlu wen i tumpang kn org at uni...give ride to my besties...org kate they were using me...
but i rily dont mind giving ppl ride...lgpn dah mmg we are from the same place heading to the same destination. X to Y. apelah salahnye kn? i guess yg bwk mulut tu just jeles...sp2 pon i mmg xksh if it wont trouble me...

but ofcoz, theres time when i was in need, theres no one there to give me a ride...
bukan nk meminta balasan, tapi kdg2 rase diri terpukul sndri...

lame2, i prefer riding alone...bia la how big my car is, if org mntk tumpg i bagi....
tp i limit my "friendly-ness"...mls nk dgr mulut2 org lagi...buat hal sndri lg sng...

pastu there are times [alot] where ppl wud ring me, saying:

can u teman me go there?
can u go there, come here, pick me up, help me pick up, send me etc.

sumtimes rase terhutang budi dgn kebaikan org pada kita, i ikot kn saje...
sumtimes budi tu dihulurkn oleh kaum keluarga die, rase bhutang pada die pon ade...
sumtimes xde rase thutang pn, disebabkn die lebey tua, ikot kn jua..
sumtimes sb die bdk lagi, xkn nk bia je...
sumtimes disebabkn hbgn yg rpt, buat je...

most of the time, its in my nature not to let ppl down...

tp bukan byk yg ku pinta....
hanya perasaanku dijaga...

am i asking too much?
one call, one txt, one word, one smile....
sometimes thats all im asking for...

pastu plak....
there are times...
when theres someone else that comes into the picture...
im tossed away..
forgotten...
making me feel like im a filler...
bile da xde anyone else, just find me...

helo, banyak cantik muka?
i ni xde perasaan ke?

huhm
so there goes..
i know im not the only one with this feeling...
and some might say kecoh la kn i nk ckp psl bnde2 cmni...
but this is my box of chocolates...
this is the bitter piece..
cant seem to really tell someone about it, but this is how i feel generally...




xx

very the malassss

erm arini dpt take home test...
mls nye nk buat!!!!!!
x start ape pon lg...
tmrw kne submit b4 12...
kn lg bgs if die bg real test kat cls je...
lg sng...
btol2 bley study den cpt je abis....
iskkkkkkk

Dilemma

ape la kn...br start blogging da nk start with a problem...
well actly bkn la problem sgt kot...just that this thing has been bugging me...
rimassssssssss.....mcm menjadi satu kesalahan plak if i dont just do what would "seem" right..

Ok, heres the thing...

This person was a good friend of mine for a couple of years..we were really close...
then, we had a problem [which i cant rmbr what it was but the wound has yet fully recover..]

Due to the dreams i had, the feelings that hit me...i thought i should reconcile and makes things better, put the past behind and be friends with that person again. So I said hi and all and we went out, then we were friends again...

Few weeks later, (or months i can't rmbr), we drifted apart. Again. This time i think it was because one of us or maybe both of us wasn't honest being in the relationship.

So now, after monthssss....i have this feeling again...i'm not sure if its sympathy or that i am ready to forgive n forget [which i am not sure i am able to do again after failing, for unclear reason, the first time]...I dont want to make a mistake and make a fool of myself by making the move to start the friendship again and have that person to feel FORCED or be a HYPOCRITE to be friends again.

Don't get me wrong, i am not at all, miserable living without that person. It's just that this feeling that i should just forgive & forget n start things over that is bugging me..


idk...


xx

.:My First Piece:.

WelComE diNa~

hahah....
yes yes welcome frens to my one and only blog. [eh yeke?] ahha nvm... consider it the first proper one je lah...hehe...so, knpe i buat this blog? dono...sje2.....da lame da nk buat tp cam xtau ape i nk post if buat pon...[actly i mmg da sign up for this thing rupenye...i found out bile i nk sign up just now that my email has already been used...kahkahkahkahkah..] ntah bile la kn i buat... :)

anyways...owh...rakan busuk+manis ku, Mazriana Ashari gak la yg sebok2 ajk i buat blog ni...sje nk join die merepek la tu...kn maz? tu je la kje kt kn? so now we both ade blog den wateve we merepek will now be recorded/saved. hahaha...jp i nk buat exemption clause for myself in case ade yg tetibe nk sue i plak kn for what i might post in the future..jp2

k dah siap...agk lame la i buat...nnt korg bce kat bwh k....


ok la tu kot for now...
will write again soon~
take care~

love. xx


EXEMPTION CLAUSE:
I hereby exempt myself from any liability of false post [sorry, dah tu yg i tau tu la i write], responsibility or guilt of hurting people's feelings [btol, x bermaksud...igt nk luahkn perasaan sendiri je...ter-touch perasaan org laen plak...sori ek..phm2 la k...], any jealousy caused in any manner be it jealousy on my - lively,happy,touching,wonderful,sad - lifestyle, the wonderful and pathetic family+friends+food+favorite color+pen i have and use, and any other feelings that I, or any other person on this planet and the planet next to it can feel, due to the excellent way of me reaching out to the human and animal hearts. Any loss or damages suffered, suck it up pal!